From Sheer Hatred To Stark Reality
The true story of
two former LTTE militants
By Camelia Nathaniel
Many young Tamil girls and boys having grown up with the war
that plagued the country for over three decades have been idolising the
terrorist outfit - the Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam (LTTE). Young
Jayawardhani was no different, and her mind was poisoned with hatred propagated
by the terrorists since it was so easy for the LTTE because she was an orphan at
the Sencholai home for orphans.
ayawardhani never felt the warmth of a loving mother's hug and
tenderness. Countless times she dreamed of that perfect life with a family, and
could only wonder what life would have been like, had she not lost her parents.
All she wanted was to live a life with people who cared about her.
All she ever wanted was to be free and happy. But life it seems
never treated her fairly. The only family that Jayawardhani had ever known was
the other orphans at the Sencholai Orphanage, and the LTTE. She received her
education at the orphanage, which she is very grateful for.
Poisoned mind
She felt grateful to the LTTE for giving her a place to stay and
educating her. Jayawardhani grew up to believe that the Sri Lankan army and the
Sinhala people were cruel and unreliable. Her mind was poisoned with the notion
that they were out to destroy the Tamils. The hatred persuaded her to later join
the terrorist outfit and start a misguided journey to save the Tamil people.
"The only family I knew was the other orphans at the home and the LTTErs were
the heroes fighting to liberate my people. The only mother I knew was the lady
who took care of us at the orphanage," she reminisced.
Having joined the LTTE she had fiercely fought against the
government forces and did so with great pride and dedication. "I felt that I was
fighting for a cause. I had never known anyone else in my life other than the
children at the orphanage and later my fellow cadres. We were made to believe
that the government forces, specially the army were brutal killers simply out to
kill us." For many other cadres, fighting for the LTTE was similar to
Jayawardhani's, as they too were brainwashed and misguided by the LTTE. They too
have a story to tell of how the former 'killing machines' of the LTTE turned
innocent youth into killers.
She had later met a young man SidambaranathanNaganathan senior
to her in the terrorist organisation and the two of them fell in love. However
their love affair was not looked upon favourably by the LTTE. "The terrorist
leaders were of the opinion that if these cadres were to marry and raise
families the organisation would not have the required manpower to battle. For
Jayawadhani and Naganathan it was a long struggle that they finally were able to
overcome. "However it was not a piece of cake and we had to each conduct our
assigned missions successfully in order to have permission to enter wedlock.
However we did what we had to do and finally got married and settled down in
Murusumudai." They had their share of trials and tribulations, but they had
somehow kept their marriage together.
Realising LTTE atrocities
As time went by, they had two children and Jayawardhani
conceived their third son. Just like many others who had initially believed in
the terrorists, her husband and she gradually saw the LTTE atrocities.
"I have seen the way they punished our fellow fighters if they
dared to question the motives or actions of the terrorist leaders. I have also
on several occasions seen them killing the very cadres who fought for their
cause, but were unfortunate to have been left disabled having sustained injuries
in battle. Even during the last stages of the war LTTE leaders destroyed many of
their own cadres who were considered a burden on them," Naganathan recalled.
These innocent people were caught up in a struggle that they
eventually realised not for the liberation of the Tamil people, but for power.
Many innocent civilians had been caught up amid an escalating war between the
security forces and the LTTE. They had lost everything and their lives have been
shattered. They finally started to realise that the LTTE had no good intentions
and that the Tamil people were just pawns in the whole scheme that was to gain
power for LTTE leaders.
During the latter stages of the war, the government troops had
ordered the people in the LTTE controlled areas to go toward the government
troops, said Jayawardhani. "Yet the LTTE cadres did not allow them to cross and
they kept shooting at those who tried to cross over to the army controlled
areas. The ones crossing the earth bund, which held thousands, and separated
them from the real world, had the courage to do so sensing that real freedom was
not with the terrorists as they had been made to believe, but beyond the earth
bund. Those who crossed over were urging the others to follow via loudspeakers,
and many of the people were crossing over, and denying the LTTE the opportunity
of holding them as a human shield to prevent being attacked by the government
troops," she said.
The government did whatever it took to rescue those being held
as a human shield by the LTTE.
Human shield
The rebels on the other hand were enticing the government forces
to commit mayhem on the civilians in the No Fire Zone to attract them the
international attention and sympathy.
Almost 300,000 civilians were held under LTTE custody, which
offered them protection from heavy Army gunfire or air raids, but allowed them
the use of heavy weapons against government forces under the cover of the 'human
shield'.
By this time Jayawardhani had given birth to her third son and
she and her husband had decided to take their two older children and seven days
old son and cross over to the government troops and surrender.
Jayawardhani was not the only one who experienced the LTTE's
brutality. She had been a freedom fighter for them for many years; someone who
had believed so passionately in their cause. However, once she felt the
fragrance of real freedom beyond the earth bund, she wanted to go for it; but
the LTTE who were supposed to be fighting for the freedom of Tamils were the
very ones obstructing their freedom.
"My husband escorted me and my seven days old infant first and
took us toward the earth bund to help me get across while he went back to get
our other children. However, the LTTE fired at us and the last thing I knew was
I felt something hitting my face," she said. Naganathan says that the instant he
saw his wife fall he ran toward her, but saw her motionless body in a pool of
blood. "I thought that my wife was dead along with our baby. Yet when I turned
to leave, I heard the infant make a sound and I picked it up and ran toward the
army. The army soldiers took the injured baby from my arms and put into a
helicopter and I did not know where they took the infant at the time," he
recalled agonisingly.
Stark reminder
Somehow for Jayawardhani's luck the army had found her. Having
found that she was still alive the army had transported her onboard a helicopter
to Colombo. "I regained consciousness only after six months where the doctors
had performed several surgeries on my face, as the blast had shattered part of
it. I had lost one eye and my nose including several bones was shattered. I have
no nose but the doctors have transplanted a piece of flesh from my thigh to
construct my face. When I look at my face today in the mirror I am terrified at
what I see, yet it is a stark reminder of what the very ones I trusted and
believed in had done to me. I now realise that I was just a number, a part of
the fighting machine, nothing more to the LTTE."
However Jayawardhani now views the army and the Sinhala people
as her rescuers and her family. "Neither the army nor the government has valid
reasons to save my life. Yet they struggled for six months to give me life and
resurrect me from the dead. Contrary to the many allegations directed toward the
army accusing them of theft and massacre, I am a good example of their kindness
and love. I had lost my ring finger during the battle and you would not believe
that the army soldiers who had found me had preserved my wedding ring on my lost
finger and returned it to me after I regained consciousness," she said with
immense gratitude toward her rescuers.
Jayawardhani's infant was taken to the Lady Ridgeway Hospital
where the child was cared for during the time she was unconscious. "After I
regained consciousness I told the hospital authorities that I had a
seven-day-old infant born at the time of the attack. I had no idea if my son was
alive or dead. Their records however indicated that the army had airlifted an
infant to Colombo and that a motherless infant was receiving treatment at the
children's hospital. After a DNA test, it was confirmed that the infant was mine
and my little son was handed back to me.
I was moved beyond words at the sheer efforts taken by the
Sinhala people to save me and my son, even today I cannot understand their
generosity and kindness toward someone like me who had been intently out to
destroy them. The magnitude of their kindness is far beyond my comprehension, as
it had been a Sinhala doctor attached to the children's hospital, who also had a
child at the time, breast fed my son too to keep him alive. How do I ever repay
her, or the army for what has been done for me? No amount of words will ever be
enough to express my gratitude toward them," she said.
The LTTE - the hypocrites
Jayawardhani says that she has nothing but hatred for most of
the ex-LTTE leaders enjoying freedom today. "These are hypocrites who abandoned
us and left us to die for carving their own way out," she added.
Today Jayawardhani and Naganathan live with their two children
in Vadukkodai in Koddaikadu Jaffna, enjoying the freedom. Many other ex-LTTE
cadres just like Jayawardhani and Naganathan are not forced today to do anything
but live a life of peace. They are all now slowly rebuilding their shattered
lives. Certain elements of the Tamil Diaspora whose children have all this time
enjoying the comfort in foreign countries are now voicing their concerns for the
Tamil people. Is it that they are doing so for their people or in fact for
protecting their own interests to hold onto the privileges offered to them by
these countries and prevent them from being sent back? They claim to be fighting
for a separate land for the Tamil people, yet would any of them now domiciled in
foreign countries ever give up their comforts and return to this country and
live in this so called separate state that they say they want? No.
It is the people who have been caught up in the war that
suffered the most. None of them want to go through that ever again. Never.
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